Vulnerability - it's a tough one.

Hi All,

Hello from the warm sands of Phoenix, Arizona.  Not much new and exciting here....just adjusting to the warm weather again, and looking forward to several months of swimming, enjoying some summer bbq's, and also spending a good deal of time indoors in air conditioned comfort.

 Vulnerability is my topic today.  I wonder if anyone will read this (LOL)?  Yes, it's not the most common topic or conversation going, but it's important to our mental and emotional health and how we live our lives.  Recently, I came across some Brene' Brown videos on You Tube.  She's the professor from Houston who became famous for her TED talks about her research on vulnerability, shame, courage and related topics.  She also has written a few bestselling books.  So today I'm going to look at some of her info and try to encapsulate how this can be important to us.

Be brave and dare greatly.

 Vulnerability is at the center of all difficult emotion.  Obviously, it's uncomfortable, being in the unknown and leaves us feeling very exposed.  However, it also is the birthplace of empathy, creativity, innovation, change, joy, etc - it's where great things happen.  It's about showing up and being seen.  You may take a lot of heat from some,  you will "get your ass kicked," and you will fail at some point.  She talks about vulnerability in terms of "being in the arena."  The arena of life, where you stand up and present your ideas, try new things, speak up for what you think is right (when it's not the popular thing).  You may be a high profile personality or an every day person in your hometown...we're in the arena at sometime, all the time, or we stay out.

Courage is needed to be in the arena.  It's a must.  There's a quote from Theodore Roosevelt on this, "It's not the critics that count...the credit belongs to the one who's in the arena, who's face is marred with blood and sweat and dust, who at the best, in the end knows the triumph of high achievement.  And at the worst, if he fails, he fails daring greatly."  If you're in the arena, you can count on failure at some point...probably a lot.  But that's what it takes to be in the arena; daring greatly...and making a difference.  The stories of Edison and other great inventors are famous, for how many times they failed, before the inventions worked.  They knew what they knew and kept on picking themselves back up and getting back in the arena and working toward their goals.

When we enter the arena we want to armor up, but instead, we are naked...we're exposed and vulnerable.  There's always plenty of critics, right?  They'll come at you with shame, scarcity, comparisons, "fill in the blank."  The one critic that's always there is our self.  We are typically our own worst critic and we can really beat ourselves down.

Dr. Brown recommends the only ones we listen to are the ones in the arena as well.  Stop caring what the critics think - they're never step into the arena.  Invite them to come, but don't ever listen to them.  She also recommends a few things that you'll need if you're going to be in the arena.  You need to be very clear in your values.  You need at least one person who will help pick you up and dust you off when you fail (and you will fail), and you need to be there and support yourself.  Be your own best friend, treat yourself with love and kindness, not criticism.

To some this is intuitive and a no brainer, but for most folks its not.  Our emotional well being is shaped by past experiences, abuses, listening to the critics, etc.  Because of that many people prefer to just play it safe, just lay low and never step foot into the arena.  This is a brief snapshot of Brene Brown's research.  Her research has shown much more about vulnerability, shame, and being joyful in life, and how they're all related.

Shame is a good chunk of her research and the info she presents.  It's a big reason why people stay out of the arena...why they hide.  Secrecy, silence, and judgement = shame.  People are taught shame as a child, at home, school, from peers, etc.  What destroys shame?  Empathy.

Joy flows from gratitude.  Her research shows that most joyful people actively practice gratitude on a daily basis.  However - it also shows that when people lose thei tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding, (we fear that sources of joy in our life will be taken away).  It takes a lot of faith, to know that it will all be alright...at some times we will/may get our hearts broken, but it's better to be in the arena, than to always hold back and be a perpetual observer.   Knowing the ordinary moments in life are the most extraordinary and letting joy flow from that, is priceless.  Enjoy today in gratitude and get in the arena of life.

This is a pretty deep topic, (I've just scratched the surface)...especially when we get into the shame and self worth aspects.  It's not an easy one for so many of us.  That's why there's professionals - it's good to get help if you need to.  None of us can navigate this on our own and we always get help along the way.  We need that connection with others, especially that person who helps us see how wonderful and amazing each and every one of us is.   I hope you're in the arena and if you're not - take a look at why you're not.  Be courageous every day.

Again - this post is based on the research/work of Brene' Brown, PhD.  You can see her on You Tube or TED.com.  She's not only a great researcher, but an amazing story teller and funny.  Check her out if you find any of this interesting.  She's an author as well and has written a few books that can help you find out more.

Have a great day everyone.  Be kind to others...but love yourself as well.  Be kind and generous to yourself, every day.

Peace,

Tom

Tom Kreienbrink, LMT, RM, CST
Holistic Therapy Solutions, Phoenix, AZ
cell/text: 443-850-4126
email: tom.kbrink@gmail.com
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