It's been a while...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope the holiday season is going well for you. Things are starting to get a little hectic here, but that's how it gets. Humbly, I'm grateful for having lived another blessed year.
So I was thinking about a topic for today and what could be helpful. The topic of expectations came to me. It can be such a trap for us so many times. What do we expect of others? our careers? stores at Christmas time? traffic? etc... Sometimes we're disappointed by people, by life; we can have high or even lower expectations that aren't met. When that happens, how often do we go into a funk with a mindset like, "Wow...that's so unfair, life isn't fair," or, "is it too much to expect that my friend would...(fill in the blank)." It can mess with our inner peace and serenity. It can start those thoughts rolling around and around in our head...nonstop. Maybe it keeps us awake at night. And, of course, we may even be right, but that doesn't really change anything...does it?
First of all, having expectations of people, events, outcomes, etc...can be a trap. Holding on to expectations can cause you to have a huge resentment. Look at any resentments you have; was there an expectation in there somewhere?
What I'm talking about is; how attached are we to our expectations, and how do we act or react when our expectations are not met?
Now - think. How do you react when your expectations aren't met? Do you freak out? Do you get on a soapbox and preach? After all...you've been wronged.....right? If you react like that, you're probably going to be upset a lot. Even when our expectations are low, people, events, and outcomes will still fail us, on a regular basis. It just happens.
First - It's not personal - it's life. Don't take it personally. Things happen. Even if someone tries to make it personal for you, you can choose to take it personally or not. It's always your choice. Are you flexible? When life throws you a detour (and it will...usually daily), can you go with the flow? When I was in the Air Force, they used to say, "Flexibility is the Key to Air Power." The more flexible you are, the more you'll be able to deal with life on life's terms. Learn to flow with life.
If someone let us down, maybe there's more going on than we know. We can be kind and maybe give them a break, maybe even ask how they're doing; instead of reacting. If its an event or outcome that lets us down, we can remain calm and be flexible knowing that everything happens for a reason...usually for reasons that I don't know. Again - I can get mad and frustrated or I can be present, take a breath, and remember to have gratitude...and move on.
From a spiritual standpoint, I can give it over to God. Let go and Let God, as they say in the 12 Step community. I trust that there is a plan for my day and my life and that if I do what's in front of me, things will work out. When I'm frustrated and mad that my expectations weren't met, perhaps I'm trying to be controlling and I'm being inflexible. Do I want a result that, (no matter how right I am), is just not going to happen? Having a little humility and remembering that I'm not in control or responsible for everyone and everything, usually helps a lot.
Of course I'm not recommending that we be a doormat and let people walk all over us. Sometimes we need to take action...that means to act - not react poorly. This also has nothing to do with optimism. I'm very optimistic.
It's all about detaching from expectations. There's an old saying - "you can be right, or you can be happy."
This Holiday Season, and every day thru the year. Watch your expectations. Detach in a loving way, be flexible without being a doormat. Let go and Let God. You may find a lot more peace in your mind and thoughts....what a great Christmas present that would be.
Peace,
Tom
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