Expectations and Attachments; a Holiday Trap.

Hi All,

Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Seasons Greetings....etc, etc....  I hope you're enjoying the Holiday Season, whatever you celebrate.  We've had a nice little taste of winter here in Phoenix, AZ this year.  It's been on the cool side - and I'm loving it.  I hope wherever you are, things are going well.

I got up early this morning and was doing a few things around the house, before going in to work with a client.  It was peaceful and quiet, and my thoughts turned to the expectations and attachments that we can sometimes have around the holidays.  Those are two things that can be a huge trap for resentments and disappointment during what should be a festive season of joy.  Because I've fallen into this trap before, (several times), I thought it might be a timely topic for the blog.

When we're kids, so often we had expectations of Santa Clause, friends and relatives bringing toys and gifts for us.  When I was growing up, we had a routine - Christmas Eve we went to church and while gone, Santa came and delivered presents.  After church we had treats, opened gifts, enjoyed family, and had a great time.  Expectations met, right?  What if we were really attached to recieving a certain special gift - and didn't get it?  If we got it, what if it didn't live up to the hype?  What if it got broken shortly after recieving it?  Sometimes the disappointment could be pretty big. 

As adults we can have expectations and attachments that set us up for disappointment also.  These expectations may not even seem unreasonable.  However - are we attached to them so much that when things change we have a resentment?  It's a trap, and especially easy to fall into during this season of peace and love.

Here are some examples many of us can relate to.  We may make plans with friends and relatives and excitedly look forward to them... then, they cancel.  We may be counting on a particular special gift from someone near and dear...and they don't deliver.  Are we attached sometimes to Holiday traditions going off in a particular fashion...but then they just doesn't measure up to past celebrations?  These can be a sure fire way to become sad, angry or even resentful.  It's happened to me before, (more than once), and probably has happened to a lot of us.

So this Holiday Season, I'll be celebrating Christmas with my family as usual.  Sue and I go to church on Christmas Eve, exchange gifts with the family Christmas morn and enjoy other festivities.  There are things I need to do to keep my expectations and attachments in check, so I can just enjoy the season.  The first thing is obvious - take a look at myself.  Am I attached to people, places, things, events?  Do I have expectations for any of these?  If so, who or what am I judging? What I need to do is release these; let these go.  When I do, I release myself from them.

When I'm in the middle of the Holidays what can I do to stay centered and feeling good?  For me, I find I need to remain flexible.    I find that I need to go with the flow.  This means not being rigid or attached to things going my way.  Things change and sometimes they don't go the way we want them to.  Relax, take a deep breath and just enjoy the ride.  For me, so many times situations like that turn out better than my expected agenda.

The last thing is, remember to fill your heart with gratitude.  There's always something to be grateful for.  A quick prayer of gratitude or carrying an attitude of gratitude with me always makes me feel good.  It just seems to work that way.  It's been said, nothing changes the energy of a situation like gratitude.  I find that true in my own life.

Enjoy the Holidays.  I hope you find joy and peace and happiness this Season of Celebration.  Take a little time to be grateful and enjoy those around you.  While you're celebrating, remember to keep an eye on how you're feeling.  If you start to feel a little out of sorts...perhaps you might take a look at any expectations you're having, or are you attached to anything?  Regardless of the details - you may just have the best Christmas (or other Holidays), ever.

Enjoy.

Peace and Love,

Tom

Expectations - It's a Trap

Hi All,

It's been a while...Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.  I hope the holiday season is going well for you.  Things are starting to get a little hectic here, but that's how it gets.  Humbly, I'm grateful for having lived another blessed year.

So I was thinking about a topic for today and what could be helpful.  The topic of expectations came to me.  It can be such a trap for us so many times.  What do we expect of others?  our careers?  stores at Christmas time?  traffic? etc... Sometimes we're disappointed by people, by life; we can have high or even lower expectations that aren't met.  When that happens, how often do we go into a funk with a mindset like, "Wow...that's so unfair, life isn't fair," or, "is it too much to expect that my friend would...(fill in the blank)."  It can mess with our inner peace and serenity.  It can start those thoughts rolling around and around in our head...nonstop.  Maybe it keeps us awake at night.  And, of course, we may even be right, but that doesn't really change anything...does it?

First of all, having expectations of people, events, outcomes, etc...can be a trap.  Holding on to expectations can cause you to have a huge resentment.  Look at any resentments you have; was there an expectation in there somewhere?

What I'm talking about is; how attached are we to our expectations, and how do we act or react when our expectations are not met?

Now - think.  How do you react when your expectations aren't met?  Do you freak out?  Do you get on a soapbox and preach?  After all...you've been wronged.....right?  If you react like that, you're probably going to be upset a lot.  Even when our expectations are low, people, events, and outcomes will still fail us, on a regular basis.  It just happens.

First - It's not personal - it's life.  Don't take it personally.  Things happen.  Even if someone tries to make it personal for you, you can choose to take it personally or not.  It's always your choice.  Are you flexible?  When life throws you a detour (and it will...usually daily), can you go with the flow?  When I was in the Air Force, they used to say, "Flexibility is the Key to Air Power."  The more flexible you are, the more you'll be able to deal with life on life's terms.  Learn to flow with life.

If someone let us down, maybe there's more going on than we know.  We can be kind and maybe give them a break, maybe even ask how they're doing; instead of reacting.  If its an event or outcome that lets us down, we can remain calm and be flexible knowing that everything happens for a reason...usually for reasons that I don't know.  Again - I can get mad and frustrated or I can be present, take a breath, and remember to have gratitude...and move on.

From a spiritual standpoint, I can give it over to God.  Let go and Let God, as they say in the 12 Step community.  I trust that there is a plan for my day and my life and that if I do what's in front of me, things will work out.   When I'm frustrated and mad that my expectations weren't met, perhaps I'm trying to be controlling and I'm being inflexible.  Do I want a result that, (no matter how right I am), is just not going to happen?  Having a little humility and remembering that I'm not in control or responsible for everyone and everything, usually helps a lot.

Of course I'm not recommending that we be a doormat and let people walk all over us.  Sometimes we need to take action...that means to act - not react poorly.  This also has nothing to do with optimism.  I'm very optimistic.
It's all about detaching from expectations.  There's an old saying - "you can be right, or you can be happy."

This Holiday Season, and every day thru the year.  Watch your expectations.  Detach in a loving way, be flexible without being a doormat.  Let go and Let God.  You may find a lot more peace in your mind and thoughts....what a great Christmas present that would be.

Peace,

Tom

www.HolisticTherapySolutions.weebly.com
www.Facebook.com/HolisticTherapySolutions

Hitchhikers (Spiritual) Guide to the Universe

Hi All,

How's it going out there?  Not bad here - another week has begun.  I had a good weekend - celebrated Mothers Day with my beautiful wife, Sue and our family, and watched the movie, "12 Years a Slave" as well.  Wow - an incredible film about a sad chapter in the history of the USA.  I recommend it, if you're up for it.  Well - after a great weekend - it's back to work - and that's a good thing too.

So...I'm going to be giving a talk on the 21st of May here in Phoenix.  It's full title is, "Hitchhikers (Spiritual) Guide to the Universe - or - 8 Spiritual Principles for a Happier Life."  Yes - that's a really long title with a pretty big claim.  So let me expand on this a little.

While I was still in school a couple years ago, I was in a 'writing for business' class.  One of the things we discussed was writing books.  After kicking the idea around a little, the idea came to me and I sat down and put together an outline for a book.  The outline included the 8 principles and some other actions as well, to help you live a better/happier life.  Then I let it sit in the notebook while I finished school and started my business, and became busy - until recently, when it came to me, that I should share this info.  I've had some doubts and nerves about it, but the bigger part of me knows I should do this.

What is it that makes me qualified to write this book or give this talk?  I grew up in a wonderful family with no abuse or disfunction.  My folks are loving people and I had plenty of religious training; yet, I still had my ups and downs in life.  No fault of anyone and no judgement - I just felt like I needed to do some looking around...for some answers that I just didn't have.  I wanted peace and serenity at work, at home, and most of all, in my head.  Thus, after years of reading, experience, and other sources...I bring to you, the things that work for me. They're universal spiritual principles, applicable to all, and not religious.  So here's a taste...

Principle #2 - Be Present - It's said that being in the past lends itself to depression and having too many thoughts of the future can lead to anxiety.  Be present, right here, and right now.  It takes practice.  It's not always easy - but by just being mindful and enjoying this very moment (whatever I'm doing - even if I'm at work), I can enjoy what I'm doing and be more peaceful and at ease.

So many times in my life I've spent way too much time in past or present.  Beating myself up for mistakes I've made, or thinking about how I should've handles something, and on and on.  Other times I'd be thinking about scenarios that I may face in the future, and what I'd do, or worrying or strategizing about some outcome that I was attached to, and how I wanted things to go, what I'd do....blah, blah, blah...  Here's the honest truth - none of that helps anyone, in any way!  It didn't help me.  So I had to learn a different way of looking at things - and to bring myself back to the present moment.  Now there's more I could expand about on this and will on the 21st - I hope you'll join me then.

I'm not saying that a person shouldn't pay their bills, or put money away for emergencies or retirement.  However - excessive planning and being attached to elaborate plans without any flexibility, is a pretty good plan for disappointment.  As they say - Life happens and many times the best laid plans are disrupted by one roadblock or another.  Do your part and let go of the outcome.  Be present...don't worry about tomorrow, it will come soon enough.

So I'll discuss Being Present, Love, an Attitude of Gratitude, Expectations, and the rest on Wednesday the 21st of May.  I'm presenting in the classroom at a friend (Ginger Hay's), business, Healing Heart Creations.  Located at 2432 W. Peoria Ave, Bld 10, Suite 1180, Phoenix, AZ 85029.  Cost - love donation.

I'm not saying I've mastered these principles completely, and that I'm perfect at them all the time.  What I do know is that when I incorporate these principles in my daily life, I have more peace of mind, serenity, satisfaction....my life is pretty good.  Also - when I'm not peaceful and serene - I can look at what I'm doing or not doing and quickly realize what I'm doing and what I need to do to feel better.  It works for me and who knows, some of this may be helpful for you.

Be good...and stay present.

Peace,

Tom

Holistic Therapy Solutions - www.HolisticTherapySolutions.weebly.com

Healing Heart Creations - http://www.healingheartcreations.com/

Follow both on Facebook

Flexibility is Key

Hi All,

It's been a busy couple of weeks, but it's alright being busy sometimes too.  The New Year is off to a pretty good start and I'm glad to get a chance to sit down and do a little writing.  Recently I was involved in a situation with friends that revolved around a meeting place and time (I won't bore you with specifics).  Like I said, we're friends and everyone was kind, loving and civil, but there was one thing that stood out: inflexibility.  There were some "lines in the sand" drawn that really limited the outcome.

All of this reminded me of something from when I was in the Air Force.  One of the Tenets of Airpower is, "Flexibility is the Key to Airpower."  In an Airpower perspective, flight, agility and altitude, speed, the ability to fly anywhere in a short period of time, etc...all of these things allow the Air Force to act or react to situations in the world with great flexibility.

Pen and Ink illustration from my first duty station - 1365 AVS, Det 4
Altus AFB, Oklahoma.  It's a drawing of a C-5 aircraft.

Now that I've got your attention (or put you to sleep), you've probably figured out where I'm going with this.  I've always liked using this saying seriously and also with a little tongue in cheek.  It's simple with a deep and broad meaning.  When I was an NCO and my troops were resistant to some direction or change that I was imposing on them, I'd quote this tenet.  I'd also use it with my kids as they were growing up.  OK - I admit that a big part of that was me being humorous (or at least in my own mind I was funny).  And....quoting this to my Airmen or my kids never made them happy.  However, there's a point made here and a real life application that weaves in and out of the fabric of all of our lives.

A drawing I did while stationed at 11th CES, Bolling AFB, Washington DC.  I printed
some and gave them away as going away gifts.  I'd write a personal message in the blank space.

The application is obvious and you know it...flexibility is key.  You have to be flexible.  It's going with the flow of life.  It's being in the present moment and enjoying it, and when something doesn't go our way, it's switching to "plan b," or going with the flow, knowing that life is change and thats alright.  In negotiations its a give and take, and how can we come up with the best solution for everyones best interest.  It's also adapting to the constant change in life.  On earth, everything changes all the time; things break, storms wash out your picnic...our best made plans can often be made to change in an instant.  If viewed in the proper perspective, that can be what keeps life interesting.

Being flexible is also being free of expectations.  Expectations are tricky and can lead to a lot of disappointment.  Ever hear yourself saying, (in a disappointed way), "is that too much to expect?  Am I being unreasonable?"  Your expectations may not be unreasonable, yet they may not always be met.  If we're hanging on to the outcome we expected and we felt we deserved, it can be a tough time.  So enjoy whatever life throws at you.  That's about all we can do, right?

I also had another saying I liked to use that has a similar theme; "Do your best, Do what's right, and let the chips fall where they may."  From spiritual aspect, I just need do the footwork and trust and have faith in my Higher Power/God, that all will work out for my highest good.  When I do that, things always work out well - although not always the way I envisioned or even wanted them to.  Conversely, when I try to impose my will on any situation, it always stresses me out and messes with my serenity.

In a physical sense, when we keep our bodies fit and flexible, everything flows better too and helps us to maintain balance and health.  We do this thru nutrition, exercise and stretching.

All of this being said, I'm not saying that we have to be door mats or accept unacceptable behavior.  What I am saying is it's a universal principle that can help us lead a happier and more peaceful life.  I don't do it perfectly all the time, but I know when I'm able to be present and just flow with life, it's a sweet ride baby!

Have a sweet ride today.  Enjoy the moment, even if you're in a long meeting or in traffic, or whatever you're doing.  Act from a place of love and kindness with everyone.  It'll be good.
Have a great weekend.

Peace,

Tom

My Massage and Holistic Therapy Business
www.facebook.com/HolisticTherapySolutions
www.HolisticTherapySolutions.weebly.com

My Art and Design business
www.facebook.com/pages/Tom-Kreienbrink-Art-and-Design
www.behance.net/tk-art