Well, it's winter here in the desert. It's really a beautiful time of year. Most of us are still recovering from the long hot summer and are enjoying every rain and every beautiful sunny day. Sounds like it's perfect right? Well, it's pretty good, but people still have their ups and downs. Some have more serious issues than others and we all need some healing once in a while....right?
So I'll make myself a little vulnerable here and speak to my own experience. I don't care who you are, nobody's life is 100% pain free. Life is good, but once in a while I need some healing too. This last week was one of those times. Around the middle of this past week, I got into a bit of a funk. It had been a busy few weeks and I let a few external factors affect my serenity. I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally. So I sat in it for a day or so and tried to let it go and ride it out, but I couldn't really shake it. I typically bounce back pretty quickly and get my perspective back, but this time was a little tougher. Finally, I had to really examine what was going on and get back to feeling good.
So while I was at work, waiting on a client, I took out pen and paper and started writing. Here's some of what came out of that.
Don't Judge - It's easy to judge anyone or everyone around you. Being in a place of judgement will not serve you (and it wasn't serving me). I was judging some people, situations, and events and it was not helping in any way. It never does, does it? Which leads too the next thing...
Don't Take it Personally/Don't hold Grievances - I was taking some things personally, and it just made me feel bad. People/situations were "taking up space in my head, rent free." For me, this is a key - it's only personal if I make it personal. It's my choice. I needed to choose again - and choose not to take things personally. It sounds simplistic and is usually easier said than done, I know. It takes practice and remember, it doesn't mean being a doormat either. It doesn't mean I have to accept unacceptable behavior from people. It means I don't have to take other people's issues and make them my problem.
Many times the things we take personally, aren't even directed at us. People typically are caught up in their own stuff and just living life. When I make the decision not to take things personally, I go on with my day, feeling good, not thinking about or dwelling on whatever I perceived as an offense against me.
This works the same way when people purposefully take aim at me. It is still a decision that I make to take it personally or not. This can be trickier for sure, because it is a direct action (in some way), intended to hurt me. I still have choices. Sometimes, its best do leave it alone or I can take positive action to resolve the situation rather than react in a way that will ultimately hang with me and that I will usually regret. We'll likely always have someone who wants to push our buttons, and we may not even know why, and that's really their business and usually not ours.
Expectations - Expectations are a trap. Why was I taking things personally and holding on to them? Because I expected a different result or different behavior from people. Sure, we expect things from people, but how flexible are we when they don't live up to what we expect? Is it personal? Do we feel wronged and hold on to that? Or can we just let it go, making the decision, that we don't make it personal. When we make it personal, we give it momentum and it continues to bother us.
Depending on the situation there may be a course of action we can take to address the unfulfilled expectation, like with an employee or service provider that does not measure up to their obligations. If it's someone not being or acting like who we think they should be, then we need to look at what we're expecting of them and why. Many times, they're just being who they are and doing what they feel they should do. I don't have to condone any of it, but it's still not my business.
Gratitude - I was not feeling gratitude when I was in the funk and it just made things appear worse than they were. When I consciously remember that I am blessed with so much, and have so much in my life to be grateful for, it has a benefit; it makes me feel good. It doesn't mean everything is always how I want and that life goes smoothly every day. We all have things to deal with and some of it is difficult - that's OK. I can still be grateful for the good things in life, even the things that most take for granted like clean water and air, indoor plumbing. I've heard it said that nothing changes the energy of a situation like gratitude. It is a practice and the more you practice the easier it is and the better and stronger you feel. It's always uplifting.
When I sat down and got to the core of what I was doing, I simply employed these tools, in my mind, got my perspective back, and immediately started feeling better. I know for some these tools/techniques are built in or were learned at a young, but I know there's plenty of folks who are like me, who have had to learn to use tools like these to feel good on a regular basis. For other folks, other processes may work better for them, and that's good too. Use what works. Remember - it's all an "inside job."
Love yourself and take care of yourself. If you're in an airplane and the oxygen masks deploy, you put your mask on first, then you'll be helpful to others. If you need more to feel better, you may have to put in some work. If you need help, get it. It's good to get professional help if you need it, or whatever you need; spiritual groups, support groups and churches, recovery programs or even self help literature can be a huge help. Life's short - take action to feel good.
Have a great week.
Peace,
Tom
Tom Kreienbrink, LMT, RM, CST
Holistic Therapy Solutions, Phoenix, AZ
cell/text: 443-850-4126
email: tom.kbrink@gmail.com
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